Laid Bare

Four constricted walls. Low ceiling. Cold hard floor. Breath threatens to escape me. I am laid bare. I fight against this place. I do not like it. I have been here before. It is lonely. Nothing to distract. Nothing to hide behind. Only me and Jesus. No other visitors allowed. My eyes fully opened to my helplessness. Pain. Anger. Hurt. Brokenness. I want to run but there is no way out. I curl up in the corner and try to dissolve into nothingness. I cannot do this. It is too hard. Too painful. Too confusing. Too exhausting. HE says "You cannot, but I can and you must allow Me." I am afraid. I feel so weak. Failure. Despondency. "Look at Me" HE says. "Fix your eyes on Me" HE insists. I am fearful, but I look into those eyes and I see Hope. So I trust. Healing. Freedom. Joy. Rest. I experience Love. Grace. Mercy. Hope like never before. I become thankful for that place and walk out of it changed. My heart bursts with gratitude.

And now HE says I must go back to that place again. There is more that must be done there. Oh Jesus, I thought I would never have to go back there. Oh Jesus, that place is painful. I want wholeness without having to look at the brokenness. I want joy without experiencing that magnitude of pain. I want strength without having to know weakness. I want hope without having to experience despair. And then I remember. I remember...You knew death so that I might know life. Oh Jesus, if only I might rejoice in the brokenness. Rejoice in the pain. Rejoice in the weakness. Rejoice in the despair. For through it I experience the richness of Your wholeness, the fullness of Your joy, the power of Your strength, and Hope beyond all hope. Father, thank You. The richness of the love I now know would not have been possible apart from that place. It is in that place that I get to meet You face to face.

New determination. Strength. Resolve. Hope anew. Oh Jesus, I trust You. I will go there. Only because I know You are there. Only because I know that whatever You desire to show me there is worth the cost. Only because I know a deeper walk with You is found in this place. So here I am again. Laid bare in this desolate yet strangely hopeful place. Gracious, compassionate Father, thank You for loving me enough to bring me here. This place is where You create beauty from my wretched ashes. Have Your perfect way Father.